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Saturday, December 29, 2012

My life is a movie

I was watching Sex and the City movie and realized I am Carrie Bradshaw after John leaves her on their wedding day.

Numb, well almost
Barely eating.
Not living.
She dyed her hair, I cut mine.
Just going through the motions of everyday life but not really participating. I make it through most of them.

The only thing I don't have is 3 best friends to cry to. 

We always think we can withstand anything that life throws at us but, sometimes, life blindsides us and we are left dazed and confused.

I don't hold out much hope for a happy ending. 

Monday, December 24, 2012

1st chistmas

Today we had Aurora's 1st Christmas.  (My youngest grand daughter)

Her mother is off today but works tomorrow, so today was half the family, tomorrow the other half.

So family arrived with gifts, but we hadto have bananas first.  LOL


After the bananas we got down to gifts.  There were several gifts of bottles which she was vary interest in, except that they were empty.



Her parents got her a stuffed animal that talks. She loved it.


She also got a toy that she can walk behind. She hasn't quite figured it out yet.

Our tradition is homemade mexican on Christmas. Again, due to my children's work schedules, we have divided the meal into two day. Today is Chicken Tortilla Soup with homemade cheese dip and homemade salsa.

Tomorrow is Sour Cream and Chicken Enchiladas and beef Chimichangas.  (spelling?)

We are also going to start on all 8 Harry Potter movies.  (I may be going to bed early. LOL)

Speaking of cooking, my youngest twins birthday was the 22nd.  They wanted to have friends over for dinner.  Yes, don't all 17 yr olds want a dinner party for their dirthday??  So I cooked Chicken and Parmesean Basil Dumplings.  It was a hit. 

My best friend Renda (who is married to my brother, even though I am an only child) got me a cook book for Christmas. Fifty Shades of Chicken.  LOL

It's a conspiracy to get me back into cooking. 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Depressing post

I don't know if my life could get more boring. 

Back when I was in college, and working full time, and raising kids; I couldn't wait to have a free weekend to do nothing.  Now I wish I had just one weekend a month that was fun. 

It's probably my own fault.  I have friends but I also keep the grand babies alot. I need to learn to say no more.  The funk I have been in has also played a big role in it.  Even now I am not sure if I would go out if given the chance. 

I should be thankful for this quiet time. Tax season is just around the corner with it's longer days and working every Saturday. I will once again be wishing for a boring weekend.

I need to start cooking again. I love to cook but I haven't felt like it lately. Add in the fact that I wasn't eating and I just didn't see the point.  The girls all work in restaurants so when they work it is basically just me, and a grandchild or two, and I don't know how to cook for one.

Christmas is right around the corner and I have done nothing. No tree, no decorations, nothing.  And I don't want to.  I am not even looking forward to cooking.  I hope the New Year is truly a new one, cause this one has sucked. 

Work has been going well.  Working on a few big projects which has kept me busy and, most times, my mind off other things. So maybe tax season will be a blessing in disguise.

For now, I just try to make it though to the next day.



Friday, December 7, 2012

Life

Thanksgiving went well.  I cooked both entrees and we all ate and it was a nice quiet family time. I got to spend all day with my oldest granddaughter. She was alot of help. LOL

Since then life has been slowly getting better. Even if more hectic.

When the kids were younger our life had a rhythm. A steady and predictable pace.  They went to school, I went to work.  When we got home it was homework, dinner, laundry, etc.  Now the 3 girls at home all have jobs and it is rare that we are all home together. 

My cooking habits have changed.  With no husband to cook for, most nights I don't cook at all.  I keep frozen stuff for me and whoever might be home.  The nights I do cook we end up with tons of leftovers since I don't know how to cook for just 2. 

Don't get me wrong, I am glad they are all growing up and having their own lives, but sometimes I do miss the times when we were all home together every night.  I have empty nest syndrome without the completely empty nest.

Work wise I am enjoying this quiet time before the start of tax season.  I know it is only 3.5 months but it feels a lot longer. You would think after 6 years I wouldn't stress over it, but I do each year.  Good news is with the kids all working and having their own lives, they won't have time to miss me not being here. LOL



Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Life

Macaroni and cheese and bacon.
That was last nights dinner.

The joys of living with teenage girls. LOL

Thanksgiving will be interesting this year as well thanks to the above-mentioned girls.  They each want something different.

Heather wants traditional:
Turkey
Dressing
Green bean casserole

Lindsay wants:
Hot wings
Homemade french fries.

Neither is willing to compromise and eat  their desired meal on Friday.

Middle East peace talks have nothing on the negotiation skills I have tried to utilize. And just like the Middle East, neither is willing to compromise. So I am cooking it all on Thursday and I better not hear a word about eating leftovers on Friday and Saturday.

Yes, I am a very in charge parent. lol

Life has been hard lately. I separated from my husband in September. Along with all of his stuff, his paycheck (1/2 our monthly income) left also. It was HARD.  Borrowed money from work and my best friend. My children have helped pay bills and my oldest daughter bought all the food and household items for 2 months. I am very thankful to them for their help.

We are getting better. This month all the bills were covered, I bought groceries and my children got to spend some of their money on............themselves.  I could not have made it without them.

On top of that, a person I cared a great deal for hurt me. BAD.  It is hard when you hear what they are saying, but you know it not them. Not their true feelings. You can't stop them from lying to themselves to make things the way they want them to be. All you can do is pray for them and for yourself, for healing.

All of this has put me in a "funk".  I barely sleep or I sleep for hours and hours. I barely eat. I have lost 20 pounds in the past month. Stress is good for something I guess.  People keep telling me to smile, eat, shake it off, be who I used to be. But I am no longer who I used to be.  Scars change us, sometimes permanently.

The pain will fade, over time, but things I used to "know" and believe and trust and no longer there. 
It is scary when you can know longer trust your own feelings.

But each new day, is a day to heal.

The grand babies are doing wonderful.  The oldest is a walking bundle of fun and energy. The youngest has decided that walking is more important than growing teeth. 8  months old, standing, trying to walk, with 2 teeth.  One day she is going to have to stop and grow them.  LOL

My youngest son works tomorrow so I have the oldest, 14 months, all day. Cooking will get done but there will lots of playing and cuddling.

Not a bad way to spend the day.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Hit me baby one more time....or three

The other night I had looked up a Gladys Knight & the Pips song on Youtube. As I was listening to the song, I began reading the comments.  Did you know that she was married 4 times? Neither did I.  That didn't shock me, what shocked me was the amount of negative comments regarding it.

It seems that society can accept one divorce. After two you get labeled and, heaven forbid, three and you are branded as a failure or a negative role model.

Why?

In business, and even in athletics, we are praised for repeated attempts at success. How many failures did Thomas Eddison have before he perfected the light bulb? Yet we forgive, and even glorify, people like Charlie Sheen and Michael Vick who did far worse than end a bad marriage.

Why was she divorced 3 times? I don't know and frankly I don't care.

Maybe it was the men. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was her. Maybe she had yet to find the one person who brought out the best in her. Helped her become the woman she was meant to be. Why should she settle for less? Why should anyone? It is really so bad that instead of just "shacking up" with the first 3 she made a commitment and stayed with it until its conclusion?

If someone stays at a dead end job, never trying to better themselves, we consider them a loser. We believe they should take a chance, step out in faith, change their life. Why should the matters of the heart be any different.  I don't believe every marriage is meant to last. People make mistakes, people grow apart. You marry someone hoping for the best but their best isn't good enough.

Divorce hurts. Whether it's your 1st or 15th.  It is the end of a dream, and of a life. A life you planned out with the other person. A life you lived every day believing you were building.  The realization that you were not enough is soul crushing.  Not enough to keep them faithful, not enough to make them happy, not enough to make them put forth an effort.

You are forever scarred by that.

Being judged doesn't help.



Thursday, October 11, 2012

I am no longer bent.
I am broken.


- Alesia

Monday, September 10, 2012

Life as Nana

I love being a mom. And as my children get older it gets even more fun.
(OK the fact that they CAN and DO make their own decisions, and I can't ground them for the dumb ones is frustrating, but it is still fun.)

God blessed me with 6 beautiful children, all unique, all perfect.

But now God has blessed me beyond my wildest imagination.

Grandchildren!!!!

I have posted pictures of my two beautiful granddaughters, Emily and Aurora. It was fun when they were newborns; feeding them, burping them, their wonderful baby smell. But now that they are older, they are even more enjoyable.

Emily will be 1 on 9/22. 
I taught her to clap and make, what we call, the vampire face. When she gets made she will scrunch up her face and breath really hard and fast through her nose.  One day I did it back to her, showing her my upper teeth.  She stopped crying and did it back to me. So we sat there making this face back and forth at each other and she forgot whatever she was upset about.  That was a few months ago and she will still make the face when I see her.  Adorable.

Aurora just turned 6 months on 9/7.
Tonight she said her first word, with my coaxing.
Mama.
Her mama is at work so I videoed her saying mama and sent it to her phone.
And then I cried.

I am so fortunate to be able to be VERY involved in my grand children's lives. During their teenage years, there were times I was convinced that I would not be a part of my children's lives when they got older, much less their children. But it all works out in the end.

So I get to start over. Feeding them, changing them, bathing them, AND get to sleep through the night.

Heaven.

Now if they would just get big enough for squeaky shoes. LOL

Monday, August 20, 2012

Back to school

Today was the first day of school..

We all remember the first day of kindergarten.  Walking our "babies" into the school.  Their backpacks filled with new supplies.  They looked so young and vulnerable. Nowhere near ready to face the big world alone. 

I am sure they all handled it better than it did.

Fast forward many years.  My two youngest are juniors this year.

I woke up at 6:15 expecting to wake them up to get ready.  They were already up, dressed, doing their hair and makeup. And they had a friend over. Another showed up later.

They weren't nervous, or scared.
They didn't need me to go with them.
They are apparently over the trepidation of the first day of school.

I am not.



Monday, July 23, 2012

Pin-up girls






I love pin-up girls.
They are cute and innocent looking. Just a smidge naughty.

Like me?  Maybe, maybe not. But they are fun and make me smile.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Cry baby

One of the things about me that surprises most people is that I am a crier. I don't just mean watching a sad movie, or witnessing the birth of a baby crier.

Yes, I cried when I gave birth to my children.
Yes, I cried when I watched both of my granddaughters come into the world.
I even cried at EVERY birthing class, EVERY time we watched a baby being born.

I can't watch some shows on National Geographic. If it shows something catching and eating something else I cry. Even a frog catching a fly.

Poor fly.

My husband and I go to the symphony each month and there have been times when the music has moved me to tears.

My husband laughed at me just 2 days ago when, as a 44 year old woman, I cried when Mufasa died in Lion King. I have seen the movied dozens of times but I can't stand thinking about how much it must have hurt to be trampled to death by the Wilderbeast.

Yes I have a complete grasp on reality - why do you ask. LOL

I cried reading "Decision Points" by George W. Bush.  Him describing 9/11 broght me to tears just like seeing it on tv.

Wednesday night we watched fireworks in our town. There was no music, which is a good thing. When we got home he turned on Macy's fireworks which has acconpanying music and I cried at certain songs. Lee Greenwood's "Proud to be an American" will do it every time.

I am a big old softie.

And YES I cry everytime I watch Steel Magnolias, even though I know what's coming.


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Update

Ever since the end of tax season I have thought of many things to blog about, but then I get home and there's dinner and dishes and laundry and kids and grand babies.............have I mentioned how distracting adorable grand babies can be..........and by the time I open the laptop I have decided "tomorrow" would be a better day to blog.

Rinse
Repeat

So I am going to try and get back in the grove even if it just a little at a time.

In case anyone missed the pictures, I now have 2 granddaughters. Emily Payton and Aurora Eden. They are squeezable, powder scented, and perfect. The oldest is crawling and pulling up and the youngest is smiling and starting to coo.  Now how am I supposed to get anything done with all the going on????

On top of that we have 4 new animal family members.

2 fancy mice, whose names change constantly and who my daughter has decided hate her.
2 baby bearded dragons - Mooshoo and Nofeugo.  According the lady at the pet store and everything we have read - they need to be talked to, held, petted. ALOT.  (So does everything else in my house). So that takes time that has to be structured since, apparently, they need EXACTLY 12 hours of daylight and EXACTLY 12 hours of dark according to my husband. And he is very obsessive responsible about making sure they get EXACTLY that. A man who, most mornings, has no idea where is wallet, keys or shoes are; get all bent out of shape if the dragons lights are not on and off at precise times.

(This is the same man who googled why some hair on the back of our -then- year old Rottweiler was wavy.)

Speaking of Nikko (the Rottweiler) and Karma (pit/boxer mix); they might run away if we bring 1 more thing into the house. They are VERY spoiled and enjoyed being our babies.
Then came the cat (Marco)
Then Emily
Then Aurora
Then Mooshoo and the unnamed mice
Then Nofeugo

Do you know what you do when your hug deprived Rottweiler wants to be petted??? You pet him NOW!!

So between the dog hair, dog drool, baby drool, mice, dragons, crickets (dragon food), bottles, dirty diapers, dishes and never ending laundry - life is full.

But very good.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Day Book

Outside my window it is bright and sunny.  Across the street from my office is a Catholic Church and throughout the day I can hear the chimes that mark certain hours.  At noon and again at 5, the chimes play several songs and it is glorious to hear.

I am thinking about the plants that we bought this weekend. Cana lillies, butterfly periwinkles and foxgloves. They need to get into the ground soon, but my husband has been working overtime and that comes first.

I am thankful that God blessed me with children and grandchildren. My life would be so boring without them.

In the kitchen.....tonight we are having pizza bake.

I am wearing my usual office attire. Black pants, red shirt and the new shoes I got last week. They are black, of course. LOL

I am creating..........nothing at the moment.

I am going to the gym with my daughters tonight. It will be our 3rd night in a row. Last night we did a cardio class.  Very similar to Tae Bo. It was fun and I feel it today. She wants to try Zumba tonight but I think I am just going to the pool.

I am wondering about school for the summer. I need to decided SOON if I want to take any classes.

I am reading "The Stone Monkey" by Jeffery Deaver. I am so enjoying the Lincoln Rhyme series.

I am hoping for a nice relaxing weekend of cleaning house. Ever since tax season ended we have been busy. I fear that we may be attacked by dust bunnies in our sleep.

I am looking forward to finally being able to get into our pool. It was a COLD 68 degrees Sunday. I need it a little warmer.

I am learning (again) the wonders of babies.

Around the house there never seems to be enough time to get everything done.

I am pondering a vacation this year but right now I am to tired to even consider one, unless it involves a study of how much sleep is to much.  LOL

A favorite quote for today...."One sees great things from the valley; only small things from the peak." Gilbert Chesterton.

One of my favorite things is still the smell of my husband.

A few plans for the rest of the week include: the gym, meatloaf, sushi and a movie with my hubby, time on the couch in my pajamas with kids and grandkids and church.

A peek into my day.....This is my youngest set of twins. Heather and Lindsay. I am so happy I get a few  years of just them. They are exceptional young women.

Post your own day book http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com

Monday, March 12, 2012

Daybook

Outside my window.....it is cloudy and rainy.

I am thinking.....that I can't wait until my day ends at 5p.m. and no weekends.

I am thankful.....for my two beautiful granddaughters.

In the kitchen.....there will be spaghetti and garlic bread

I am wearing.....teal shirt, black patterend pants and HEELS!!! Yes it is a good day.

I am creating.....a new batch of letters for Aurora, just like I do with Emily.

I am going.....to be so glad when tax season is over.

I am wondernig.....what new church will start attending soon,

I am reading.....The Awakened, book 2

I am hoping.....that my daughter and her fiance find a new apartment soon. A week and a half ago, his truck caught on fire, burned her car and caught their rental house on fire. Thankfully everyone was ok and the only thing lost was the vehicles and a place to live. So they are back with us. We love having them there but they so badly want their own place.

I am looking forward to..... the symphony this weekend.

I am learning.....about Business Law in grad school.

Around the house..... there is pink everywhere.  With 2 granddaughters, pink has taken over our decorating.

I am pondering.....if I want to try to can anything this year.  Since I got my kitchenaid mixer, and have become a cake baking queen, I think I can now to anything domestic and canning is certainly domestic.

A favorite quote for today.....Love the life you live, live the life you love.

One of my favorite things.....The new K-love radion station in our area

A few plans for the rest of the week.....work, work and more work.

A peek into my day.....



Read more entries and find people who inspire you at
http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Aurora



This is another reason for not blogging lately.  Granddaughter #2 arrived just days ago.  Please meet Aurora Eden.  She loves me already. LOL

Sunday, March 4, 2012

I might be working 50+ hours a week and I might only have 1 day off; but at least I know how to spend it.



- Alesia

Monday, February 13, 2012

Lauren



This is my new friend Lauren.
She is working at my office during tax season. 
She is a crazy, giggly, full of life, young woman.
She inspires me with her love of God.
She reminds me not to take everything so seriously.
She makes me smile.
She makes me laugh.
She is also 17 and young enough to be my daughter but it works.

I don't know why God brought her into my life but I am glad He did.

We took the above picture because an ex boyfriend of hers said that she would never find a guy because she was an "ugly eater".  So I took the picture to show her that she is NOT an ugly eater. And so what if she was, if a guy really likes you he will accept you as you are. (She might get lucky and find a guy who will be fine with tying on her bib but lets not push it.  lol)

She is full of innocent honesty and I learn something by looking at the world through her eyes.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2012

For us, 2011 went out alot quieter than it lived. 

2011 was a very hard year for us.

But with God's help, we survived it and we KNOW 2012 will be better in every way

Our marriage is stronger. Our love is stronger. We both not only have jobs but secure ones we enjoy.
So the fact that my husband was asleep on the couch by 8:30 AND we were in bed by 9:30 is just fine with me.

Quiet, secure, predictable.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Dairy of 5


I am seeing the bright but cold day outside my office windows.

I am hearing my coworkers chit chat. We are going to spend alot of time together over the next 3.5 months; best to get along.

I am smelling my fresh cup of Vanilla Chai tea.

I tasted fresh brewed coffee this morning.

I am feeling hopeful that 2012 will be a much better year than 2011.